


The 5 +1 Times Marinette Tried To Convince Alya That She Was Bisexual

by Talik_Sanis



Series: Erotic Crack Fics [3]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Adrien Agreste Does Not Know How Sex Works, Adrien Agreste Has No Gag Reflex, Adrien Agreste loves Chat Noir, Aged-Up Character(s), Bisexual Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Chat Noir is A Bisexual Tease, Crack, Cunnilingus, Everyone is Queer, F/F, F/M, Frustrated Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Humor, M/M, Multi, Orgy, Sexual Humor, Trolling, or does he?, or is she?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:28:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27031942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Talik_Sanis/pseuds/Talik_Sanis
Summary: Alya runs her standard bisexuality test on Marinette and Adrien.Like the overachieving dork that he is, Sunshine Child passes with 110% by earning bonus marks.Marinette fails, but insists she is, in fact, bisexual. Ridiculous. What bisexual girl would refuse to bang Ladybug?Now, Marinette is out to prove her bisexuality. Whatever it takes.
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug/Kagami Tsurugi, Alya Césaire/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug/Kagami Tsurugi, adrichat - Relationship
Series: Erotic Crack Fics [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1972855
Comments: 10
Kudos: 128





	The 5 +1 Times Marinette Tried To Convince Alya That She Was Bisexual

**Author's Note:**

> Beware the brain-meltingly horrible crack sex jokes. We're skipping Limbo and moving right to the first level of Hell.
> 
> Lasciate Ogni Speranza Voi Ch'entrate.

Alya Cesaire knew that the laws that governed society were always open to interpretation, reformation, and exception. The laws of nature, such as gravitation or those that related to colligative properties, operated universally, however. Any apparent violation thereof was pure supernaturalism like Ladybug's miraculous cure, but outside of magic, which Alya was certain had its own quasi-scientific and completely comprehensible rules if one took the time to learn them, natural laws held.

One such inviolable law of nature that was, unfortunately, not recorded in any of the school's textbooks, was as follows:

_1\. Every bisexual or lesbian wanted to bang Ladybug._

Other rules of a similar sort:

_2\. Every bisexual or gay male wanted to tap Chat Noir's (perky) ass or sit on his baton. Or both._

Nino had confirmed this by way of his eagerly acquiescing to getting pegged while Alya role-played as Chat Noir.

A custom recorded compilation of the hero's flirts and unconscious innuendos had run in the background.

Nino was also staring at a photograph of [Chat Noir eating ice cream in his ... special way](https://pm1.narvii.com/7217/49946e4094175a3f1a7f88d3eeacc9f641fc9f9dr1-1242-679v2_hq.jpg) that was probably part of his concerted effort to get straight guys to lament what they were missing because Chat was secretly horribly starved for attention and would take it from wherever he could get it.

Also _Take It, unh!_ from wherever he could get it.

and

_3\. No rational partner could blame you for adding either Chat Noir or Ladybug onto your 'free pass' list in the event of an unexpected emergency opportunity._

As he leaned against the window in Marinette's bedroom, Adrien Agreste certainly agreed.

“Chat Noir?” He fanned himself using his hand while nudging Nino, who stood at his side, with an elbow. “Man, I would hit that so hard that the next person to pull me out would be crowned king of England.”

Alya frowned and massaged her temples while seated at her best friend's desk. That was not hot in any way.

"I'd hit that so hard, our kids would feel it."

And _that_ didn't make any sense if she understood the implication there. Disturbing on multiple levels. They had to get that kid away from the mpreg fan fiction if that was where he was learning about sexual reproduction.

“Really?” Marinette boggled at the suggestion from her seat on the steps up to her loft, nearly causing Alya to cackle-snort as she raised her head to appreciate the sudden rush of blood to her best friend's cheeks.

That idea was going into the memory banks for “future use,” no doubt.

“Have you _seen_ that ass?” Adrien threw his hands into the air and then started opening and closing his fingers as if squeezing invisible butt-cheeks. “It's like ... two halves of a basketball made out of muscle, and that bulge! Do you think that's padded or real?”

A halved basketball of muscle? Ech. Okay, so Sunshine was confirmed bi, but did not exactly have a way with words when it came to proper appreciation of Chat Noir's assets.

Jury was still out on whether or not he could appreciate them in other ways.

“And the way he eats ice cream? Those lips are probably velvety-soft. I'd love to feed him some cream alright.”

Marinette was twitching as she watched Adrien's hands mimicking Chat eating ice-cream pretty convincingly – he too must have had no gag reflex.

Man, those blondes would synergize well in myriad ways.

Alya was most interested in the sixty-ninth.

Adrien pretty much confirmed that he was bi _with a massive gay lean_ , at least for Chat Noir, because ... he had an unhealthy familiarity with that boy's measurements and the colour of his eyes, and ... intense, detailed speculations regarding his dick size?

Like heft, length, girth, width, and relative size on a proportional level across the base, shaft, and head, also curvature at various states of arousal, which he demonstrated by way of a reflection on several diagrams and engineering schematics that he pulled from his pockets.

 _That_ was hot, at least, though a little bit obsessive.

Was that why Adrien was so interested in physics?

Was he going to invent a new field of engineering: Dick Physics?

Very useful for a consultant to hentai producers, she supposed, but there were precious few real world applications.

Except for fluffers, maybe.

When he started to actively wonder about what Chat's dick would feel like (presumably up his butt, but she wasn't going to let him get that far as Nino was staring at him like he was about to make a mess of his pants any second and Marinette wasn't too far behind) Alya realized that she would have to take mercy on everyone involved like the benevolent goddess that Nino proclaimed her to be when she was soft-domming him.

Much to her personal disappointment because she always loved talking shop about the heroes, she stopped Adrien just at the point that he sighed wistfully and began to contemplate the possible flavour combinations for Chat's dick and the best potential ... _sauce for the goose_ when it came to edible lubes and condiments.

Important topics in philosophy that occasionally occupied Alya's thoughts and kept her awake at night, but still.

“What about you, Marinette?” she asked in an effort to deflect attention and give her man time to settle down from the thought of Adrien Agreste m-pregnating Chat Noir.

“What?” Marinette's head shook like a dog ravaging a bone as she seemingly attempted to clear out that same thought. “Uh. Yeah. I'd do Chat Noir.”

Adrien looked quite pleased as his chest puffed up.

Boy almost seemed as interested in Marinette banging Chat Noir as she had been about him filling a thirsty kitty's wittle tummy with warm cream.

“Nah, girl. I mean, don't you think that Ladybug is hot?” Alya pressed because that was a surefire way to assess Marinette's bisexuality... which might be relevant to her interests.

“What?” Marinette's face paled and the healthy, attractive flush of desire that had turned her into an anthropomorphic tomato disappeared. “No! T-that's just- ugh!”

Nino, good boyfriend that he was, moved to intercept Adrien as he slapped the back of his hand to his forehead and appeared to be caught in the midst of a horrified swoon.

Alya empathized. Even if you were straight, how could you be disgusted by the thought of tapping that Ladybutt?

As the boys flirted, Alya continued, “So, you're not bi, then?”

“Uh, yeah I am,” Marinette confirmed, seemingly somewhat confused if the wrinkling of her nose and hesitant scratching of the crown of her head was any indication. “I just don't think that Ladybug is attractive.”

Alya scoffed at the ridiculous assertion.

“Girl, it's fine. No shame in being straight. So you don't like girls. It's no big deal.” The disappointed deflection as Alya rose to pluck up a cookie from Marinette's desk was probably obvious, making it clear that it was kind of hard to take and thus something of a big deal to her.

“No, seriously, Alya,” Marinette insisted, frowning deeply as she watched Nino cradle and stroke a half-conscious Adrien on her chaise lounge with distracted interest. ”I'm bi. There are plenty of girls who I find attractive.”

“If you're not into Ladybug, I just don't buy it. Nice try, Marinette. Any straight girl can say she likes girls. That doesn't make you bi. ”

Marinette simply growled at the apparent challenge.

* * *

Thus began a rather strange series of encounters between Alya and her best friend.

Some days later, Alya was attempting to track down Ladybug due to some anonymous rumours that had appeared on the Ladyblog regarding her suspicious appearances in the 6th Arrondissement.

They had been strangely specific.

Specific in that they included an address: 8 Rue Mabillon, the location of the Italian resteraunt _Marcello_.

That said, a photograph had been provided, so Alya set off on her bike in the hopes of following up on this lead.

When she peeked down into the terrace of the restaurant, distracted by the alluring aroma of a variety of different antipasta platters, she was shocked to see Marinette seated at a table alongside Kagami and Adrien. While the fencers seemed to be duelling with their forks, Marinette herself was staring directly into Alya's eyes in a way that really made her shiver from the cool icy-blue of her irises and the abysses that were her narrowed pupils.

“Alya,” she grit out. “What a surprise to see you here!” Her voice sounded kind of like a Cylon from the original _Battlestar Galactica_ , robotic and halting.

When a cursory examination of her soundings offered no sign of Ladybug, Alya trundled down the stairs to join her friend, footfalls echoing even over the din of the packed restaurant as she trod over the cobblestones and admired the white cream of the well-maintained walls.

“Hey, girl!” Alya grinned at her friend and the playful antics of the two fencing dorks who were too absorbed in their little contest to greet her. “Have you seen Ladybug? I heard that she was around here recently.”

“Nope!” Marinette popped while tossing a hand out to grab Kagami by her free hand, providing Adrien the perfect distraction necessary to land a touch to the Japanese girl's chest. Kagami sulked and pouted at Marinette, who seemed to ignore it completely in favour of staring at Alya.

“Oh, well. What are the three of you doing here?”

“I'm just on a _bisexual_ date with my _bisexual_ girlfriend, Alya! Nothing big. You know, just being _bisexual_ and all.” She squeezed Kagami's hand so tightly that the fencer winced, but, as hard as she tried to yank herself free, she was like a puppy with her paw stuck in a bear trap, the pressure increasing as she struggled and whimpered. She looked to Adrien for help. He just shrugged hopelessly.

Alya laughed, turning away and resuming her Ladybug search.

“Nice try, girl. Any straight girl can go on a date with another girl. That doesn't make you bi.”

This time, Alya fled from a snarl.

* * *

The next incident occurred as Alya was jogging up to school, hoping to make it to class on time despite having been waylaid by an akuma that forced her to drop everything to collect some quality footage for the Ladyblog.

Marinette appeared to be on the verge of being late for school today, as per usual, though not for a typical reason. While the steps leading up to Collège Françoise Dupont were all but vacant, two girls were waiting there, alone at the top of the landing.

Kagami was currently pressing a chaste kiss to Marinette's lips, having thoroughly [kabedon-ed](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/ssivABAvNi8/maxresdefault.jpg) her to the side of the building.

“Nice try, Marinette!” Alya called as she raced past the distracted pair of schoolgirls on her way into class. Unlike some people who really took things too far, she actually cared about her tardies. “Any straight girl can kiss another girl! That doesn't make you bi!”

A frustrated and slightly-aroused groan chased after her.

* * *

Things... escalated quickly after Marinette failed to convince her of the baker's bisexuality by way of an impromptu Kabedon make out session with a certain bisexual of the blade and their supposed “date.” This time, they were meeting for a scheduled “girls' night” slumber party.

“So, girl. What are we doing tonight?”

“Oh, standard stuff,” Juleka offered as she ran her hands through Rose's hair, the other girl snuggled up between her legs while organizing different shades of nail polish and humming showtunes.

From Marinette's chaise lounge, Kagami, a relatively new addition to their group whom Alya was still a little leery about in light of the whole “badmouthing you behind your back” thing on friendship day, sat up and scrolled through her cell-phone, eyes focused like she was preparing for a duel.

“According to my research,” she began, working her way down the list on her phone, it seemed, “there are a number of common activities in which we should engage. These include eating unhealthy foods, enjoying movie marathons involving something called-” her nose scrunched up in derision, “ _chick flicks_ – which does not sound enjoyable at all, as I do not know why anyone would be interested in films about juvenile galliformes – telling scary stories, playing truth or dare, or-”

She paused, head quirked, and then grinned like a rabid wolf at Marinette. “Experimenting with lesbianism.”

Rose giggled like a delighted child, the radiance of her smile eclipsed only by the gleam of Adrien's own beatific grins. She bounced in Juleka's lap as her girlfriend just rolled her eyes indulgently. "Oh, we got past the experimental stage a long time ago. Could we bake cookies instead?!”

“Actually, we can bake cookies later. I already have our chick flick set up,” Marinette growled as she started up Windows Media Player and chrome-cast to her television screen.

Alya looked up towards the screen, expecting _Love Actually_ or _The Notebook_.

Oh. That was a very well-maintained bush. Still natural, but not, like, overgrown.

Nice lips too.

Both sets.

“ _Ah_ ,” Kagami drew out with a nod of her head as she made herself comfortable in a few ways that showed off her very appealing, lissome figure. “ _Chick_ flicks. I understand now. Much better.”

Marinette smile-scowled in Alya's direction. “Of course it is, _right Alya?!_ ”

After watching said ~~Lesbian porn~~ Chick Flick, which was actually kind of tasteful as it had been produced by a judiciously-selected studio that was run predominantly by queer women and manufactured _for_ queer women and so eschewed many of the tropes associated with the crass pornographic depictions of lesbianism that were tailored to satisfy the male gaze, Alya, a little hot under the collar, only had one thing to say.

“Nice try, girl,” Alya offered as she took a drink from her glass of watery, flat soda, the ice cubes having melted long ago. “Any straight girl can watch lesbian porn. That doesn't make you bi.”

The slumber party ended early because Marinette wouldn't stop cursing as she muttered away to herself, cuddling Kagami in her loft bed.

* * *

Some days later, having been given leave by Sabine to enter Marinette's attic sanctuary, Alya pushed her way past the hatch the led to her girlfriend's room without even bothering to knock, only to sigh at the sight before her.

“Nice try, girl,” Alya scoffed, shaking her head.

Face looking like it was about to pop like a hot red candy apple that has being crushed in a vice, Adrien was struggling with the zipper of his fly at Marinette's computer desk. On the baker's chaise lounge, Kagami panted and heaved down air like a bellows as Marinette pulled her hand from the other girl's exposed chest, having just broken their kiss.

“Any straight girl can make it to second base with another girl. That doesn't make you bi.”

“Oh, _fuck you_ , Alya!”

“Well, _there_ you go!"

* * *

“So,” a winded Marinette, face split with a smug grin, offered as she rolled over onto her back, cleaning Alya's juices from her lips with her palm and then the back of her hand. “Convinced I'm bi, yet?”

Alya stared at her best friend's heaving chest and the surprisingly taut belly, faint muscles that ended just above the waistline of her pink panties, which themselves were capped off by a patch of wetness that showed off just how bi Marinette really was.

“Nice try, Marinette,” Alya said, grinning while she licked her lips thirstily. “Any straight girl can eat out another girl. That doesn't make you bi.”

“ _What_? That doesn't ma-”

The silence that followed was punctuated by a series of sloppy slurping sounds and a groan, as Alya gabbed her girlfriend by the chin and dragged her into a furious kiss before withdrawing to leave her dazed and bewildered.  
  
“See, a girl who was really bi would prove it by letting me eat her out too.”

And with Marinette's foggy nod, Alya tore her girlfriend's panties down her thighs, crawled into position, and buried her face into Marinette's wet and clearly bisexually-inclined pussy.

Unfortunately, after three Marinette orgasms, Alya was still dubious.  
  
“Nice try, Marinette. Any straight girl can come three times while another girl eats her out.” She frowned and shook her head at the delirious, half conscious girl. “That doesn't make you bi.”

“Hughbwaha?” was followed by Marinette's choked gurgle as Alya surveyed her bestie's limp, sweaty body.

Marinette, unlike Adrien, certainly had a way with words.

“See, a girl who was really bi would have come five times. I guess we'll need another sleepover if you still want to prove me wrong.”

“Y-you're on,” the baker offered in a feeble groan before passing out.

Alya rose from between her Mari's legs and slid the fluffy comforter up their bodies, tucking them into bed to shield them from the chill that crept in from the open hatch to Marinette's balcony. They'd had to open it when things really started to get... steamy.

She checked over the side of Marinette's loft.

Not that they had stopped being steamy because Kagami was still riding Adrien's dick with aplomb while ... yep - he was wearing a vibrating butt-plug.  
  
“That's it, Adrien! Take Chat's cock, you slut!” she groaned. Her hands left red mars as they clawed down the blonde's chest while Adrien held her hips in a vice-grip to slam her down onto him.

... hot.

She'd have to introduce the blondes at some point, but one mission at a time.

As Alya settled in to cuddle up to her girlfriend, Marinette's boobs, which she really should have paid more attention to – she was a bad friend, and had to do better in the future – were soft against her much larger chest.

While she drifted off to the sounds of Adrien confirming that he was a switch, she could only thank god that she was both bi and poly.

Much like Marinette was too if that thing with Adrien and Kagami meant what she assumed that it did.

Then, Kagami started screaming.

"You like that!?"

" _Fuck_! Adrien! Yes- yes!"

Oh. _That's_ how Adrien was using his degree in dick physics. 

She frowned. They were hot, sure, but damn loud about everything because they were still fucking quite noisily and both of them seemed to have a really hardcore degradation kink – Man, that fencer stamina was something else! She had to get a piece of that, especially if Kagami would be willing to use a strap-on...

Something to look into once she broke down Marinette's strange hang-up about Ladybug and she got that threesome with both the pigtailed girls she'd been crushing on.

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a prompt from Quicksilver on the Miraculous Fanworks Discord Server. 
> 
> The people there are wonderful, supportive, fascinating... and occasionally very poor influences if they've inspired this madness.
> 
> That might just be on me, though.
> 
> I hope that you had a few laughs along the way.


End file.
